Is Right Here
100 - selfish
In the early days there were no snacks in the kitchen at Tassajara, so sometimes I'd send cookies to a friend of mine there. I began to wonder why she didn’t write to say how great I was. Then I thought, how selfish of me. I'm not being generous; there are strings attached. I just want something back.
I told Suzuki Roshi about this and he said, "It's all right for you to take care of her, but first you have to take care of yourself!” His voice rose as he said this, and then he got right in my face to say loudly, “Do you understand?"
p.103. Blanche Hartman, City Center, 1969.