And now for a little diversion from the gang at cuke.com - - -

Interview with the Author

By DC--

Interviewer: Good day everyone and welcome to another chapter of Interview with the Author. I’m your host, Alan McDalan. And before we get into our interview with the author and an in-depth look at his book, let me just take this opportunity to remind you of my own humble contribution to the world of publishing, "Alan McDalan’s Interview Guide" published by myself! If you want to purchase a copy just write to us here at Alan McDalan’s Interview Guide at Bennett Valley Cable, 4044 Bennett Valley Road, Santa Rosa, CA 95404. That aside, I now turn to our guest and welcome to you, our guest, the author.

Author: Well thank you. I’m most happy to be here.

Interviewer: Tell our audience, did it take you long to write this book?

Author: Uh, well, yes I guess so. It’s sort of relative.

Interviewer: Well how long did you take to write it?

Author: I uh – oh about two years.

Interviewer: That’s very impressive. And was it fun to write?

Author: Huh? Oh – well I guess it was fun at times, but mainly it was a lot of work. When I started…

Interviewer: And when did you start to write it?

Author: Oh – ba –ba ba – about three years ago. But…

Interviewer: And what were the first words you wrote?

Author: The title! That’s the first thing I came up with. I mean, when I thought of…

Interviewer: Are titles important in your line of work?

Author: Well of course. It’s how people remember the book and recognize it on the shelves of bookstores. I thought about what would be a catchy title for the subject and that’s why I came up with…

Interviewer: Did you find the subject interesting?

Author: Yes, of course – that’s why I decided to write…

Interviewer: And how many pages are there in it? I’ll bet there are a lot of pages. You look like a pretty smart guy and an energetic guy too.

Author: Pages? Why – I mean why…

Interviewer: Well now don’t ask me a question till you’ve answered mine. (chuckling) You authors are always trying to turn these interviews around. Think you could do my job?

Author: Well – I uh – uh – I mean - uh

Interviewer: Tell me, do you have a problem with stammering? And if that’s too personal just don’t worry about it. You can pass on that if you want.

Author: I – I – I - I

Interviewer: Do you find that stammering interferes with your writing like it does with interviews or maybe that writing helps to alleviate stammering.

Author: I – I – I –I don’t – don’t sta – sta – stammer.

Interviewer: Do you find that denial is an obstacle in your work?

Author: Denial? Why would you bring that up? I mean I don’t…

Interviewer: Oh, yes, of course. (looking down and coughing). Well then let’s not bruise any literary egos here and move right on to the next question. You are interested in answering questions about your book, aren’t you? I mean, that’s why you came here, right?

Author: Indeed. Ask away. Why not ask me why I called it…

Interviewer: Does your book have to be read from the first to the last or can you just flip through it and read here and there at random?

Author: Well of course I ba ba ba I it is to be read from the first page to the last?

Interviewer: In sequential order then?

Author: Well yes.

Interviewer: Then it’s no good for browsing?

Author: Well I guess… I mean no…

Interviewer: Don’t be ashamed. Lots of books are no good at all if you pick them up and open up on any page. They just don’t pass the test. Now if you take a book like Catch 22 by Joseph Heller, published by Simon & Schuster, available in stores everywhere – ah you can open that book up anywhere and it’s terrific. I really think that book’s a great read, a real page turner. Have you ever read it?

Author: Yes and I think it’s great. And my book has something in common with it in that the name…

Interviewer: Well I don’t think they have anything in common. Yours can’t be opened anywhere by your own admission. You know, you don’t have to resort to exaggeration and false claims to get people interested in your book. Just tell it like it is. And if people find it boring or downright embarrassing, then you just write another one I guess.

Author: But I…

Interviewer: Are you thinking of writing another book?

Author: Yes, I’m working on another one now. It’s a sort of a sequel to…

Interviewer: And how many pages do you plan to write for your new book?

Author: I have no idea. I mean what the…

 Interviewer: Which reminds me – you didn’t answer how many pages are in the one you’re pushing right now. Do you think it’s too short or something?

Author: No. It’s just right.

Interviewer: Then why hide the number of pages?

Author: I’m not hiding the number of pages. There are…

Interviewer: If you don’t want to tell then don’t. I’m not here to expose any of your dirty little secrets.

Author: Secrets? We’re talking about the number of pages which is.. uh...uh

Interviewer: That’s okay. We can move on. Don’t want it to get embarrassing here. After all, the purpose of this interview is to make a good impression. So how about telling our viewing audience, Mr. literary author, how much does your book weigh?

Author: No. No. I have no idea. But it’s name is…

Interviewer: Doesn’t it matter how much it weighs?

Author: I don’t know. I guess if it weighs more it…

Interviewer: For instance, if it turns out that it’s really a bomb but it’s heavy, then some viewer out there might like to find it on a remainder stack and use it for a paperweight or a doorstop.

Author: That’s the stupidest…

Interviewer: You think the viewers of this program are stupid? Not going to sell many books with that attitude now are you?

Author: No I don’t think they’re stupid. I don’t even know who they are. But I think your questions…

Interviewer: Let’s not get off the subject of your book. Time’s precious here. I mean, can you really afford to be talking about how stupid the viewers are when you could be giving them an in depth feel for the book that you wrote which you don’t seem to know much about.

Author: I know the name which is…

Interviewer: Wait for the questions please. Can’t have this interview going every which direction.

Author: But the name is important and it is…

Interviewer: Be patient now. Do you find that impatience interferes with your work?

Author: The name is (can’t be heard)

Interviewer: [coughs loudly into his mike over the author]

Author: and my name is [can’t hear]

Interviewer: [coughing] Oh excuse me. Well why don’t we show the audience out there what your book looks like. Hmm. It feels good. [looking at the cover so that the audience sees the back] and that’s a dandy cover. I don’t know – maybe it’s not so bad. Here – take a close look. [He puts the book up toward the camera back side showing.] That’s a good picture of you.

Author: Yes, and my name is…

Interviewer: Though that was some years ago huh?

Author: the book’s called….

Interviewer: Well that’s about all the time we have for today.

Author: What? I haven’t even…

Interviewer: Our guest today has been most interesting and, though he’s a bit unruly, I think that what he’s done isn’t bad for a first book.

Author: The name is… [shuts his mike off]

Interviewer: [over author’s non-miked words] We need a little of that academy award music here for the folks that can’t stop honking their own horns you know. Just kidding. [music starts playing over author’s attempts] I’m your host, Alan McDalan. And as we say goodbye to our author and an in-depth look at his book, let me just take this opportunity to remind you of my own humble contribution to the world of publishing, "Alan McDalan’s Interview guide" published by myself! If you want to purchase a copy just write to us here at Alan McDalan’s Interview Guide at Bennett Valley Cable, 4044 Bennett Valley Road, Santa Rosa, CA 95404. That aside, I now turn to our guest and say, farewell to you, our guest, the author. And thanks a lot for coming here today to join us on Interview with the Author. Good day!