It is so good to be back in touch with you. It has been a long, strange journey. There is so much I want to ask you, so much that needs to be said. Though in honesty, my dear friend, that Conversation becomes less and less important the longer I sit with the knowledge, that I have always had, that you and I have been sitting together in Suzuki Roshi’s lap, and we are there now, and he has nothing but love for us. I have always felt his closeness, as all my life Roshi was never farther from me than my own skin. For on that skin, the tender skin of a 7-year-old, when he touched me for the first time, to the still tender skin of the 11-year-old, as he and Okusan began to make me part of their family I was tattooed with their profound love. I can still feel today their tiny, loving hands that were constantly patting me, smoothing down my unruly hair, laughingly attempting to quell my natural exuberance, seeking always to help me find the quiet, inner expression of the joy in me that at times threatened to overwhelm me. I am looking directly into Roshi’s eyes alight with the mischievous twinkle that was uniquely his. Placing one hand on each of my shoulders he pushes me down as he slowly stands. He then places his hands on each of my ears, and at once laughing yet quite serious as he says “I want you to practice growing this way” (he moves his hands slowly out from my ears) “not so fast this way.” (his hands had come to rest back on my shoulders and as he completes his sentence they rise slowly as if lifting the feet of the Buddha.) All the while, his eyes are boring into me, pouring into me the most complete, utter love I have ever known. I know I am utterly safe and will always be.

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